MAY - 19 - 2008 Gladiators, why?!?! yup. mondays. 8pm pac-time. american gladiators. more to come... http://www.nbc.com/American_Gladiators/ some of you are probably wondering why i chose this route and not China. well it's an easy choice when you think about it. simply put, hollywood is where it's at. the whole world watches america. why go all the way to the other side of the world just to fight my way back here? BRuce, Jackie, Jet.. all wanted a piece of the west. they weren't content with their super-star status over there. so do i follow in the foot steps of these great men and make the long journey to the west or figure out what they were searching for and blaze my own path there? most of you already know that i'm not one to follow the crowd. and speaking of "the Disciple", does anybody know whats going on with it? i was on the show and i don't even know. but who knows what went on with AmGlad? ... XIN was on that shit. thats what happened. being on the show has already started to show promise. the number of viewers, fans, feed back.. all add up to numbers. and sadly numbers is the only thing movie executives see. thats how i got the gig in the first place. my numbers on youtube. most had already seen my video and knew what i could do but i didn't get any movie offers. at first i was like "what the fuck?!" but the deeper i get involved in this business the more i understand that it's exactly that. business. sure you're skills seem super human but can you make me money? :[ "bitch, give me a chance and i'll show you!" well this is my chance. and i took it. so how's the show? do i like it? what's up with the spandex? and what's with the name?.. they pay me to play games.. fools, hahah!!! when we first started designing the costume i busted out my own suit (and you know my suits own) but they said it was too hard core. i was like, "thats the idea!" they came back at me with their idea and i said, "that shit is gay". so we went back and forth and finally settled on the one you see. same went with the name! i wanted: assaXIN, choXIN, XINister, WuKong, SOn of Heaven, and like 20 more.. they passed on all of them! and on the first day of shooting they said, your name is zen, with a triumphant look on their faces. i said "what the fuck?!" you racist bastards with no imagination and absolutely no idea who i am! what the hell part of my personality made you think zen was a good idea? idiots.. but then i thought it's so close to XIN that people will get it confused and just start calling me that, hah. i think hulk called me that on the show! oh and why not use my name, symbol and all things XIN on the show? they would own it. everything. fuck that. so this is what's called a launch pad. hopefully. maybe the show will end next month. maybe i'll get a movie deal out of it. maybe i'll go to japan and be a porn star. who knows what'll happen. but it's all pretty exciting. and once again, thanks for watching.. -forever known as XIN MARCH - 19 - 2008 EAST VS WEST FINALLY! the world seems to be catching on... to the east, China: JAckie Chan’s search for a disciple continues. also called "Descendant of the Dragon", the show will pick up where they left off after a short break for the chinese new year, pitting contestants against each other and putting their action skills to the test. as planned producers of the show have asked me back to return as a surprise contestant. they admitted i would do phenomenal in the next round where stunts, martial arts and choreography will play a heavy role. time is running out and they await my reply. CONS: my chinese is not yet at a level where i can fully express myself the way  i want - seeing first hand how the producers can manipulate the outcome of the show makes me hesitate - i feel like i’ve already made my mark there and got the attention of JAckie himself therefore accomplishing what i needed to do. to the west, America: the remake of an old classic has returned: American Gladiators! and guess who they want as their new gladiator?.. XIN, of course! when they first contacted me i was a little skeptic and asked, "you know i’m not 7 feet tall, right?" they replied "we’re looking for an asian, acrobatic, martial arts expert who can run up walls like a ninja and has a great persona!.." i said, "so what you’re saying is... you’ re looking for me" :]  my manager and agent both agree that the exposure i’ll get will open a lot of doors. and if i do it right, perhaps even some movie deals. CONS: being seen as and forever known as a gladiator. it took dwayne johnson a long time to shed his Rock moniker - being "owned". i’ve come across way too many contracts that say they want you forever(6 yrs at least and by the way Disciple is asking for 10). XIN lives free. but apparently in this business, you gotta give a lot to get a little. i heard tony jaa signed his life away.. for life! sucks. before i can make my descision i’d like to hear what you guys think. some of you have been with me from the very beginning. others are new to my story but i feel in a way you’ve all helped me become the success that i am today. and why break the tradition? YOU have a hand in deciding whether i go to china or stay in america and in 3 months time you get to see how it turns out! isn’t that a  trip?! this is a big descision so i hope to get a lot of feedback. from you, your mom, your cousins, your grandpa and his dog.. so expect to see my bulletin up a lot.  and as usual, please help spread the XIN virus ;] thanks for watching. JANUARY - 23 - 2008 TURNING INSPIRATION INTO ACTION RRRRAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!! yes everyone, i am back! back home in the good 'ol USa where i actually feel like i belong. even though i am a descendant of Dragons (and am damn proud of it), i am ASian/AMerican. i love the liberties we have and the freedom to express ourselves fully and especially hot running water! i am so grateful for my 5 month life in CHina. it's re-opened my eyes and made me appreciate the things i took for granted here. one of the reasons i love traveling so much is getting the chance to see and experience different cultures. to live their daily lives, witness their struggles and share in their joys. the people i met opened up their hearts and homes to me. we ate crappy food, slept in dirty beds, talked of dreams to come. we cheered for one another, laughed at each other and even shed tears together. life altering moments. life long friendships. life. and now for the scoop: FIRST day we got there we were taken to this dirty, dingy building. of course it didn't have a door, just a blanket draped over the opening. the lights would flicker eerily inside and people got itchy from lying in the beds. the bathroom had a toilet on the floor which indicated that squatting was mandatory and directly to the left was a shower head which made me decide that the two were one in the same. weird at first but then i thought, i guess thats pretty convenient. want a hot shower? it was pretty much a game of roulette. try your luck, one of these times you're bound to get some... maybe! the team of "foreigners" were grouped together. it consisted of competitors from the us, canada, france, australia.. it later turned out that we had some of the strongest athletes in the competition. with yours truly in that group, is that really a surprise? once orientation started we got a chance to see the other athletes. i was in "kill mode" at first. watching them like prey, trying to weed out the weak ones and figure out who were strong but it was hard because these people didn't give off any negative energy. pretty much everyone there was just happy to be a part of the competition and no one was out for blood, and thats when i began to see the differences in our cultures. by the start of the competition, PHilip and i were becoming well known. i received the nickname Sun Wukong (MOnkey King) and Phil became Philip-o. the day we all got to rehearse our sets on stage, it was over. competitors started choosing their picks for the winners and it was PHilip-o and XIN for the win! ROUND 1: judges awarded exceptional athletes with a "dragon card". symbolizing you had all the characteristics of an action star worthy of JC's discipleship. 15 cards would be handed out, 128 people would fight for them. it turned out to be a cheap plastic button but the meaning behind it was the important part. i was in the second group and 1st up. by then they had already passed out 4 cards. in the interview before i went up, i was asked, "do you think you will get a dragon card, XIN?" i replied, "i think they might give me 2". i was called out and i felt fierce. ready for battle. almost like in my fighting days. i was ready to own the stage and show a billion new people the might of XIN! my performance felt awesome. even though i didn't get to finish, it was enough for them to see. the 1st judge said my movements were beautiful. i replied, "thank you and i know". 2nd judge asked me why i didn't know how to speak Chinese. i replied, "because no one speaks Chinese in the jungles". 3rd judge asked me to act as the MOnkey King. i complied. the audience seemed to love me and the judges impressed with me. i waited for my dragon card but it didn't come. they said not speaking chinese might be a problem. you have to be Chinese. i said, "i believe it doesn't matter what country you're from, what nationality you are, what language you speak, what race, what color.. if you have the heart and the spirit, if you want it bad enough, you can become a descendent of Dragons. also, learning chinese isn't hard but finding a superstar like me is. i hope you think about your descisions before you act on them.. as i kicked open the doors to the competitors room, i yelled, "where the hell's my card?!" the others were just as shocked. after i regained my composure, the interviewers came back and asked, "what happened XIN, wheres your dragon card?" i replied, "well i see 3 possibilities. 1) these judges might be new at this and they just forgot to pass out the cards today. 2) i'm the first competitor today and they don't have anyone to compare me to. they'll soon realize it's all downhill after me. 3) this is tv. of course i'm gonna get a card but thats not dramatic enough. tv people are conniving". after all of second group went up they had us come back out on stage for a "final battle". they called out 3 athletes they thought were worthy of the card. "please". in my head i thought, "just gimme my damn card". "XIN, THevada and XIao Yu", called the judges. "you have 20 seconds to show off some more of your skills". i was like, "i knew it, bastards! thats ok though, i've got skills for days and this is just more camera time for me". so i busted! "heavens wrath", "cloud combo" and "zoom zoom". i didn't really pay attention to what the others did but i think i saw some windmills. after some b.s. fake deliberating from the judges they called another dragon card holder up to help them pick a winner. as he walked up to the 3 of us i held out my hand. he spun and fake kicked me in the face then handed me the button. i reacted to the hit then barfed out the card and held it up high. the judges went on to say, "your style and look is unique. language won't matter when people watch you move. but still, you should learn some chinese". i laughed and said thanks. back in the interview room they asked, "are you happy you finally got a dragon card?" i said, "how happy can you really be when you expected it the whole time?" they went on to say, "you're very confident in yourself aren't you?" i replied, "no one believes in me more than me. i know what i want and i know how to get it. i've trained what feels like my whole life for this. if destiny doesn't exist, i made it exist for me. this is who i am. i give it all". ROUND 2: i got kicked off. hahaha. they brought us up in groups of 5. PHilip and Johnny (another foreigner, friend and my translator) were also with me. they called me up and said, "you don't speak Chinese, XIN. this competition is called descendant of the dragon which means descendant of the Jackie (Chinese people)". while they were saying this i was thinking, why the hell are you telling me this and not the big white guy standing next to me?! :] then i said, "i believe it doesn't matter what country you're from, what nationality, what language you speak, what race, what color.. if you have the heart and the spirit, you can become the descendent of Dragons". interviewers later asked, "what now, XIN? what about your dream of meeting JC again?" "this was just another step in my long journey. my skills are undeniable. a lot of people will see that. good things will come from being a part of this competition and i know for sure i'll see JC again. if not here then back in America..", i said. NEW YEARS EVE: after me and a few others got kicked off the show, we went out to "celebrate". we were eating when my friend KEnny got a call. he turned to me and said, "XIN, that was the producer of the show. he says JC is in town tomorrow for one day only and he wants to see you!" i was trying to play it cool and said, "dang, tomorrow? dude it's new years day, man. i'm gonna be pretty busy tomorrow. i don't know if i'm gonna have time. see if he'll reschedule will ya?" my friend starting tripping out! saying, "what?! then don't go! if you're not serious about this then you should just go home!" hahaha. i told him to calm down and said when and where? the next day i sat in an office building high above Beijing, taking in the view and reflecting on the past 10 years that led up to this day. outside i hear a familiar voice. JC's. i sit down and watch the door for him. finally he walks in followed by a few other people and before i can stand up to greet him, JC points at me and says, "this guy, this guy right here is good" as he looks me up and down. at this point, i'm in a daze. he speaks on but i don't hear much. all i can think about is how i just got the best compliment i could possibly get from JC himself. i shake it off and JC asks me, "do you want to stay here and be a star? because it will be easy for you to get a lot of work. or do you want to go back to the US?" without wanting to be disrespectful i said, "what do you want me to do JAckie?" he said to go back home and learn as much chinese as possible then asked for all my info and said when he does anything in the states he'll let me know. as i wrote down my info he started talking about me to the producers. then said he had to go do a commercial. after he left the producers talked to me about coming back onto the show. telling me to learn as much chinese as possible and returning as a special guest in march. i think they planned that all along. bastards. so there it is, folks! my story is nowhere near complete but it's hit a pretty climactic point. whats next for me? what will i do now? is my future in CHina or here in the states? when will JC call? what does dog taste like? (check out a picture of the one i ate in my photos :]  ) stay tuned to the chronicles of XIN. thanks for watching everybody. -XIN NOVEMBER - 15 - 2007 -SORRY FOR THE SLOW REPLIES- the path i have chosen and i assume now you have as well, will be a long, dark and lonely one. there will be times when you question why you are doing the things you do and why anyone would put themselves through such things. but if you find that thing you love and you love doing it, who cares about anything else! that is my definition of "live free!" be the best at it or at least do your best! "give it all!" and of course, "train hard!" skills don't come without years and years of dedication. just look at BRuce Lee or Jackie CHan. your passion and determination will be your fuel to go on. blood, sweat and tears will be the oil to your machine. bruises, bangs and broken bones will be your trophies. everyone walks a different path. mine is unique just like yours will be. i won't tell you the steps to take because what worked for me, definitely won't work for you. i've shared my story time and time again. learn what you can from it, then move on and learn from another, then another, then another. the wisdom of the universe is at your fingertips. literally! start at google! i find inspiration in the people i inspire. good luck on your journey and thank you for observing mine. give it all, train hard and live free! JUNE - 1 - 2007 -LOst in the Madness- first of all let me thank each and every one of you for sending all your love and kind words my way. thanks for continuing to inspire me with letters of your successes, failed attempts and determination to continue on no matter what. thanks for the stories. thanks for the videos. thanks for all the compliments (as if my head wasn't big enough). and thank you so much for the continued support. sometimes i feel as if you're all walking beside me on my journey to the top! and for all those who think your letters fall upon deaf ears, they don't. i read every single one of them... i read every single one. "there's nowhere to go but up for you!", so says pretty much everyone i meet. poducers, directors, stunt men, agents... i have meetings these days, conferences those days, rehearsals the rest of the days and errands to run in between. i'm sick of my cell phone. i'm sick of driving. i'm sick of eating dinner alone at 3 am. i MAKE time for training, although i wish for more. i NEED time to rest, it never feels like enough. i'm on my way "up" but it feels like i'm...  lost. i miss listening to the waves crash at the beach, smelling the salty air, seeing dolphins in the water and watching the sun set. i miss walking along trails, chasing butterflies and feeling rejuvenated by nature. i miss watching puffy white clouds. climbing tall trees. laying in soft green grass. gazing up at the stars and wondering whats out there. i miss reading. i miss painting. i miss pondering my existence. i want to eat mango mochi ice cream. i want to play god of war 2. i want to watch the show, planet Earth. i want to read the 7th harry potter book. i need to finish the 5th and 6th ones first. i want to be creative again. i want to be inspired some more. i want to live free like i used to. the next step i take is crucial. one path takes me a giant leap closer to my goal. it's safe. it's secure. it's for sure. and if i pass it up, there may be no second chance. the other path is rocky but if it all works out, the experiences that are in store would be a once in a 3 lifetimes opportunity. what to do? what to do? i've never been one to take the easy road (not that i've ever really had a choice). in the end, isn't it the JOURNEY that's important? not the DESTINATION... i think i'll just go with the flow on this one and let life take me where i need to be. i've been over thinking this way too much. i am after all: DESTINED FOR GREATNESS! APRIL - 16 - 2007 -PUSHING FORWARD- winning isn't necessarily victory. it's giving everything you've got that makes a true champion. JANUARY - 29 - 2007 -MISLED YOUTH- Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it. -Siddhârtha Gautama, the Buddha JANUARY - 16 - 2007 -UNITED WE STAND- FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG WHILE, THE TEAM TRAINED AS ONE.  EMC MET UP AT SCMA AND LIKE NO TIME HAD PASSED, LIKE NOTHING HAD CHANGED, WE TRAINED. NOT A WORD ABOUT PROBLEMS AT HOME, SCHOOL BEING A PAIN OR LIFE GETTING TOO TOUGH. NOT EVEN MENTION OF THE FALLEN BROTHER. THE OUTSIDE WORLD HAD NO AFFECT ON US. I SAW SWEAT FLY AND TEETH GRITTING. I HEARD POWERFUL GRUNTS AS FEET AND FISTS CUT THROUGH THE AIR. I WITNESSED HOW THE NAGAS HAD GROWN FROM BOYS TO MEN. TESTING THEIR METTLE, THEY WERE THROWN INTO THE RING ONE BY ONE. THEIR NEWFOUND SPEED AND POWER WAS SURPRISING! SOME WERE VICIOUS, OTHERS STEADY, ALL STILL HAVE MUCH TO LEARN. I WAS PROUD OF THEM TONIGHT. AS TRADITION GOES, ONCE MY GLOVES ARE PUT ON, BLOOD MUST BE SHED. THE TRADITION CONTINUES.. JANUARY - 9 - 2007 -FALLEN MONKEY- JONATHAN PHAN IS NO LONGER EMC. UNABLE TO HANDLE THE HEAT, HE HAS LEFT THE "KITCHEN". NOT YET STRONG ENOUGH IN MIND OR BODY, HE HAS DECIDED TO TRY HIS LUCK ON HIS OWN. NOW HE IS WITHOUT GUIDANCE AND HAS NO ONE TO PUSH HIM TO TRAIN HARDER. HE HASN'T MADE ENOUGH CONTACTS OR MADE A BIG ENOUGH SPLASH TO GO SOLO. AND WORST OF ALL, HE HAS NO TEAM TO FALL BACK ON. HE'S BURNED HIS BRIDGE. A BAD MOVE IN MY OPINION. FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE, EMC FOR LIFE. DECEMBER - 22 - 2006 -INVITATION TO HARE CONTINUATION SCHOOL- I GOT ASKED TO DO A SHOW. FIRST THING I WANTED TO KNOW WAS, "HOW MUCH?" SHE SAID ZERO. ..."HMMM" THEN SHE SAID I HAD TO COME IN AT 9:30... A.M.!!! THEN I THOUGHT "OH, HELL NO". BUT THEN SHE TOLD ME WHAT THE SHOW WAS FOR. A CONTINUATION SCHOOL. FOR A BUNCH OF MESSED UP, DEVIATED KIDS THAT ACTUALLY WEREN'T SO BAD, JUST KINDA ENDED UP ON A BAD PATH. I WAS TOUCHED BY THIS AND AGREED IMMEDIATELY. YOU SEE I WAS ONE OF THOSE KIDS. A "JUVENILE DELINQUENT" AS I'VE BEEN CALLED. I WAS A LOST BOY BEFORE I FOUND MARTIAL ARTS. ONCE I FOUND MY PASSION, DEDICATED MYSELF TO SOMETHING I BELIEVED IN AND GAVE IT MY ALL, I BECAME THE MAN I AM TODAY. I TOLD THEM THERE WAS HOPE. AND HOPEFULLY A FEW WERE LISTENING. DECEMBER - 16 - 2006 -FIGHTERS GOTTA FIGHT- I TOOK A FIGHT THAT I NEVER SHOULD HAVE ACCEPTED. TRAINING FOR A FIGHT TAKES UP A LOT OF TIME, TIME THAT I DIDN'T HAVE BUT THE THRILL OF COMBAT OVERWHELMED MY COMMON SENSE. I HADN'T FOUGHT IN 3 YEARS. I GUESS I ALSO NEEDED TO REMIND MYSELF THAT LIFE IS A BATTLE AND I HAVE TO FIGHT HARD FOR THE THINGS I WANT. BEING IN THE RING GIVES ME THAT FEELING.